"letting go doesn't mean giving up. it means moving on. it is one of the hardest things a person can do. starting at birth, we grasp on to anything we can get our hands on, and hold on as if we will cease to exist when we let go. we feel that letting go is giving up, quitting, and that as we all know is cowardly. but as we grow older we are forced to change our way of thinking. we are forced to realize that letting go means accepting things that cannot be. it means maturing and moving on, no matter how hard you have to fight yourself to do so."

Labels: whinycrankycrazy

what say you?

i'm sickeningly restless. its been at least 3mths, since i last ran on a regular basis. the occasional gym sessions made me run a miserable distance. jst ytd bbb asked me stop swinging my fats (on my arms) and i'm terribly upset over that ok! they're neither muscular nor toned. i wonder whn am i determined enough t conquer kallang on a regular basis!

Labels: whinycrankycrazy

what say you?

shdnt be whining so much but am rlly tired out by trg and friendly. worst still, i took a boat w/o chking and i happily went down and endured 10mins of man-marking w/o footrest. this is totally mental and i almost got cramps. WHATS EVEN WORST IS THAT THE RASHES CAME BACK T HAUNT ME AFT TRG. ):):

i think i'm lagging alot srsly. gotta rlly get myself back t shape. at least much better thn now cos i'm nth but flabs ):

Labels: whinycrankycrazy

what say you?

hate it whn the sch's in pitch dark whn it wasnt like that last time. i nvr felt so timid before. its jst a 5min walk through the dark and yet i chose t backtrack and go the other way, only t find the gate locked. i was f**king pissed because i was so dirty, smelly, stinky, sticky, whiny, tired, hurting fr the cramps. its like the worst combination of all the bad things that cld have befallen me at one go. luckily i got a lift hm, if not, trust me, i'll curse and swear like i'll nvr curse and swear again!

Labels: whinycrankycrazy

what say you?

i hate post menstrual syndrome! yes POST. i have that. i'm having backache and feeling damn cranky now. and all these suck! feel that i cant seem t get things done. its a damn sucky feeling and its making me feel damn lazy. gym today killed my biceps. i feel damn weak now and i foresee my arms will be completely weak tomorrow. hmmm lets pray i survive training tomorrow. thigh's aching badly too! whats wrong with me? ):

sometimes, or rather most of the time, i cldnt understand myself. i still feel i'm trying t suppress my emotions. i'm still hiding myself. i'm still reluctant t reveal. and the worst part is i dunno what i'm trying t suppress. jst the sudden moodiness thats making me easily irritable and want t rant at anyone thats stepped on my tail. its not that i dun want t share my problems, truth be told, i rlly dunno whats causing all the bad mood and frustrations. try and enlighten me please? i so feel like crying, in hope that all the frustrations will be let out. damn sucky feeling. feel like a loser now ):

my biological clock's back t normal. i'm feeling tired like now? 11pm? shall go sleep

Labels: ticktockticktock, whinycrankycrazy

what say you?

well, finally weekend's come. i finally can take a breather. the past 5days' been mental. still went down t site t do site measurements, doing dwgs everyday. frustrating indeed, mentally and physically drained fr everything, and not getting the understanding i wish for. i'm feeling miserable. but i know i'll be able t pull through. everybody's giving me the assistance i need, i jst need t brace up and work hard and i know, i'll improve. i know i'll not let anyone down at the end of the day.

im feeling whiny for these few days and i guess this gets people around me feeling irritated. i'm sorry, i din mean t annoy you but i guess i do need some attention at times.

oh well i shant say anymore. i'm having a splitting headache and everything seems t be spinning ard me. and i feel so lonely somehow. actually i'm kind of pissed with myself, for getting so emo for no reason. this jst isnt me. i feel so, i dunno..not me. i jst need t get back the real me, the cheerful and sometimes sarcastic me. i don't wish t make anyone worry anymore.

Labels: whinycrankycrazy

what say you?

i'm amazed by how easily i can get tanned, or rather burnt, jst by standing at merlion park watching canoe polo. much easier than going for 10 water trgs. my chest is red, like a half-cooked lobster (!!!) ohwell anw, its been an amazing 4days at merlion park, having the inaugural PUB champs, watching some exciting polo matches and getting my back all wet by the merlion's saliva. its all worthwhile cos i got t watch an interesting and tight final between hotdogs and el clasico. haha i'm still excited t watch even though i get t watch them play every week. well anw been walking up and down chinatown these 4days. for my sch proj, i've been walking like a crazy girl. and i've been walking fr chinatown t merlion park t home daily. the distance i've chalked up's amazing. and i'm even more amazed by the fact that i've been walking relentlessly under the scorching sun, yes like an idiot, cos i realised i've walked the longer way for 2days before i know there's a shortcut. wth and now my thighs are aching like i've ran 4.8km. damnit

anw i'm so going t run and gym tmr. i'll be going for napfa soon and srsly i wish for nothing but a gold. yes i'm so going t pressurise myself t the point of breaking down. hahaha ok i think i'm alr stressed up. thats why im uttering rubbish. i havent been gymming as well. for 2 wks. so i feel weak, like shit. i know for sure if i dun gym tmr, i'll not pass well, row well, keep well, do anything well. and end up getting scoldings aft scoldings which i'm freaking tired of. i don't want that anymore so yea, jiayou. but for now, its jst one word, simply - CHUI!

i'm alw feeling pressed for time. i dunno why. ok maybe i know, jst that the stubbornness in me is telling me not t admit t my mistakes and let them be. hmmm issit because of my poor time management? issit because of my inability t multi-task? or issit because i know i ought t forgo something cos i've too many on hand but yet i'm so stubborn t so i'm trying hard t hold on t them all greedily? for them all, i think so. ohwell, i think i'm starting t get nonsensical. jst typing for the sake of typing. so they're kind of meaningless. don't take them t heart then haha i'm feeling cranky and whiny now. i srsly have no idea, maybe i shd go and slp soon. but why am i so reluctant t shut my eyes and get t heterotopia, where i seek the other side of me, the abnormalcy within me, or rather, the normal and real me?

ok i'm very confused by myself. i'm beginning t question: when am i actually speaking the truth? truth be told, i lie alot. i don't know if this blog's informing readers more about the real me or are they jst make-ups? mannn why am i making life difficult for myself? why do i feel that i'm suppressing alot of my emotions, concealing them hard enough so no one's able t enter my world? i want t yet i'm trying hard not t. i don't know why in the hell am i doing this? maybe trying t act mysterious, trying t arouse curiosity of noseyparkers like you.

FINE I THINK I RLLY SHD STOP CRAPPING.






so if you love me,
why'd you let me go?

Labels: whinycrankycrazy

what say you?