being in a team is hard. to maintain the relationship among the team mates is even harder. i dunno why im feeling that things are getting worse. no matter how deep i've brought myself into it, i cant seem to solve the problem. problems i'd say. gosh. im feeling the tension among some of us. probably between me and other team mates. i dunno why. sometimes i want to give up. what's the point of having a team when not all of us are contributing equally to it. pointless.

shit. sometimes i want to leave everyone and everything behind and just be myself, do what i want. but i cant. and even if i did, i'll get to nowhere. quit. the sensitive four-letter word. ever crossed my mind i'd say. but at this point, where i've alr trained for nearly a yr. i cant bear to. its addiction i guess.

argh..why am i like so ill-fated to have to face all these shit? why cant i have highly-motivated team mates instead of a few only? damn. i know all these rantings on the blog will go on and on. but i've got no choice, i really dunno who to talk to. and i dunno who's willing to listen to my crap. it's like i know i shd just confront my team mates before things get worse, but i just dun have that damn courage to. is saturday the best time for me to 'vent' my anger on them? i dunno. i wish i dun have to face them again so i can just spill everything on sat and let them know my thoughts once and for all.

but still, im thinking. shd i just walk away?

or shd i continue to put up with everyone and hide the true me?

im in this big big dilemma and i've got totally no clue to help myself.