"letting go doesn't mean giving up. it means moving on. it is one of the hardest things a person can do. starting at birth, we grasp on to anything we can get our hands on, and hold on as if we will cease to exist when we let go. we feel that letting go is giving up, quitting, and that as we all know is cowardly. but as we grow older we are forced to change our way of thinking. we are forced to realize that letting go means accepting things that cannot be. it means maturing and moving on, no matter how hard you have to fight yourself to do so."

i'm so tired these days. physically and emotionally. its doesnt pay t be real and truthful. tested and proven, by me personally. maybe everyone still loves a nice person, alw sucking up and bootlicking. i dunno. i jst cant do that. i only know how t say whats on my mind. i don't wish t hide and drag anymore. either way its gg t hurt. and i guess by letting it out fast and quick's the only way t get over it fast and move on. but i'm jst very blunt, bad at words. so in the end, i offend people. and the pretty egoistic and prideful me jst dont want t give in. what can i do? i guess i'll only learn when i start t feel the pain, and then i'll apologise. but like i've alw believed, apologies' become increasingly meaningless because its been said so many times at any occasion so whats the point? you nvr know when you rlly mean it.

sometimes i wonder, is a happily-ever-after life what i rlly yearn for? i guess what i rlly need is understanding. will you read me like a piece of paper, know what i rlly want, and then suck up t me? truthfulness' no longer what thats important i guess cos i dont want t get hurt at the end of the day. i'm jst a coward who doesnt want t experience how painful can a loss be.

ok i know i'm such an asshole who doesnt want t admit her mistakes and yet alw want t seek people's understanding. i suppose i've become increasingly irritating as each day passes. but if you know me, you should know why i'm like that and you'll know that i am deeply affected, by you.

Labels: NOemojustrantings

what say you?